This week we are excited to share more connections between the Harry Potter series and the practice of ministry, in conversation with Rev. Dr. Danielle Tumminio Hansen.
Danielle talks with us about offering grace, receiving grace, and what it takes for conversations to really embody grace. She is not afraid to talk about He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named.
We also talk about which character in the series is most like God … see which one:
Another Graceful Conversation
Our talk about grace brought up an important story for me. It happened more than a decade ago while I was learning the skills and competencies of becoming a pastoral counselor.
For the better part of nine years I worked at Renewal House, a residence focused on recovery for mamas and their children. Most families lived there for about 12 to 18 months, while mom found a job, improved her education, practiced sobriety, and figured out how to be a parent.
It really was a place of starting over and finding renewal of spirit, body, heart, and relationships. My primary work there was as a pastoral counselor with mamas and a few children. I also ran spirituality groups and staff clinical supervision.
One day when I had been there for several years, I came in for an afternoon session with one of the residents. In my staff box I found a manila envelope. It contained session notes from a previous pastoral counseling session.
I was mortified. As soon as I saw the notes I remembered that I had made a copy of them the previous week. Clearly I had left the originals in the copy machine. That was a terrible mistake and broke confidentiality policies as well as HIPAA laws.
There was a small Post-it note on the outside of the envelope. It let me know that the executive director had found the notes. My mortification went up another couple of notches. Not only did I screw up. I did so with the full knowledge the Renewal House director, Rev. Kaki Friskics-Warren.
In spite of my embarrassment I had to speak to her immediately. I walked straight back to Kaki’s office. I knocked and I think I began apologizing as walked through the door.
”I can’t believe I did that!” I said holding up the manila envelope. How embarrassing!? I’m glad you found these and not someone else.”
“That is what we’re here for!” said Kaki. “We have each other’s back! You don’t need to spend time feeling worried about this.” (I apologized several times in the span of a few minutes.) “This is what colleagues and team members do,” she said. “We help each other out, and we have each other’s back!”
I was stunned. I don’t think I had ever experienced anyone being so quick and so clear to offer Grace when I messed something up. It was the best reframing of failure I had ever been party to. Instead of feeling worse about myself for my mistake, I felt like I was part of something bigger than myself.
It it not that I did nothing wrong. I certainly did. What Kaki helped me to see is that I did not work in a vacuum.
We were doing this work together. Helping women recover and heal from addiction in the myriad ways that it undercuts life, is really big work. No one can do that alone. Not the women in recovery. Not the counselors and staff who support them.
For the first time I really felt like it was shared work. Not only shared with the women who lived at Renewal House but also with other staff members. This was a place where we could extend graceย to each other daily — not with a lot of strings attached or an undertow of resentment. Rather I was experiencing the genuine, everyday baseline of grace that is a major pillar of what upholds the community.
Instead of mistakes being an opportunity for reprimand or shame or just feeling bad, they were an opportunity for us to back each other up, to learn and grow together, and to support each other with grace.
How do you find grace showing up in your conversations?
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