All Saints’ Eve
I spent the last few days at the American Academy of Religion . . . and came home in time for Halloween Trick-or-Treat.
Driving home this afternoon I thought of the many friends old and young who have been lost to me.
So many of them will be remembered this year on the first All Saints’ Day following their deaths.
The person who settled most solidly into my thoughts today, however, was a friend who died a little more than 25 years ago. I spent my middle school and high school years looking up to her and eventually we became friends. She was a leader in my youth group, four years older, beautiful and loved my many. She died very suddenly of acute lukemia, with only three days between symptoms and diagnosis and her untimely death at 23. This is a bit of what rose out of my thoughts for one saint about whom I am deeply grateful.
For S
on this eve of all saints’ day
I remember you
I remember the snow
how we swallowed nervous laughter
wondering
through the ache behind our eyes
and the tightness in our throats
if six men in boots
could carry you
to the place
where your body would rest
on that frozen January day
a quarter century ago
no, that can’t be right
it cannot be
more than half of my lifetime ago
that you died
and longer still ago
that we fought
our last words broken and bitter
because you said
I somehow thought
I was better than you
this had to be impossible
because I could never
be better than you
my admiration for you was complete
my disbelief at your dying
hung in my throat like a mouthful of words
unsaid
it ended my innocence
in a profound way
and made it essential
to learn forgiveness
for myself
for what could never
be undone
+++++++++++++++++
oh my dear
friend
sister
bright star
beautiful dreamer
hurt willow
weeping silently
you broke your mother’s heart
you pulled your father apart at the seams
you curled up next to the warmth
and inched closer
your blood running cold
never to wake again
and we missed you
and your dying
was somehow an emblem
of many things lost
an age of innocence and wonder
suddenly evaporated
and yet the fragrance lingered
of you
of all of us
of that wonderful long glimpse
of a beloved community
living under trees
singing encircled ‘round a fire
praying
breaking bread
and feeding children
saying ‘I love you’
in a thousand ways
to each heart that needed to hear it
you were a gift
that down through these many years keeps giving
thanks
be
to
God
